The Fighter

I am trying to think of the title for this post.  I am struck by the fact that I have no words to state what it is that I am going to write about.  It is very challenging to sit here and try to figure how to describe this post.

I have a few Items that I was hoping to write about, success this week, finished some things around the house.  Proud of the work and effort and the result.  But I was struck by something I saw that made me realize that the success this week was overshadowed by another success.

Not to hold out I am really in a bind as I said I had some wonderful things to put in here.  I am looking forward to going out to take pictures on Saturday with Traci.  So why not be excited to talk about that.  But it is not that significant.

I thought the title might be how to be brave and courageous.  Or how to be stronger than anyone in the world.  Yeah a lot people had a lot really bad stuff happen in the last two weeks.  I will not deny those the opportunity to express their feelings.  But I am going to circle back to what I am thinking.

Some time ago Facebook made it possible to reach out and find all those people you know or used to know or thought you knew.  It made it possible to show your vacation on the beach and to put up pics of all the cool stuff you have done.  So much more interesting than that other persons life.  I am better than them, maybe that was what you said to yourself, look at what I have done.  Insert beach vacation photo.

In that time I have reconnected via Facebook.  I know more about some of the people in my family.  Those that actually post anything.  I am not really a Facebook posting guy.  I share my photos as a way of showing off my photo skills.  Yeah, I am using Facebook for the same thing as all those others I guess.  I like to think I am not but probably a bit of me is.

So what is this really about?  I have watched somebody on Facebook facing something that most of are not going to face in the same way.  I am talking about death.  I have watched and read all the posts from my cousins.  I have looked at the photos.  I have seen my aunt slowly disappear as her body gives itself up to the fight that she has been in for the last many years.  I see her photos, no embarrassment or pity.  I see her smiling at the camera, even posing like she is saying this is me at this moment take my photo.  Most of us do not think about how we are doing or what we are doing.  Sure I have those aches and pains from things I did years ago.  Knees hurt back hurts, but none of that is killing me.  I am not looking into a camera going this may be that last photo.

So I am inspired by my Aunt.  My wife asked me when was the last time I saw her?  I thought long about this and she finally said it was at our wedding.  I went yeah you are right.  Many years have gone by since that time.  To say I know my aunt really well I guess would be misleading.  I probably do not know here at all.  What does she like or not like.  I spent time around her as a kid and young adult.  But that was it.  Still I have never once not thought of her as person you would not want to be around.  Others may have different opinions.  She was always nice to me, friendly and so on.  I always thought of her as a bit of a rebel really.  A bit dark and mysterious.  Not sure if that is true or not but I recall as a kid thinking she was pretty cool.

But life is leaving her and she is showing those signs of somebody who has very little time left to be with family and friends.  Yes I think we all appreciate that fact that nobody knows for sure what we have.  I always think of the phase "how did you spend your time".  I think about this more often now, how do you spend your time?  Bank account that you are spending but do not know when you are going to hit 0$.

My Aunt V.  is tough though, she has put this fight inside and kept it closed off from the world from what I see.  She told it to stay out of the way while I enjoy what time I have.  I wonder if you put that to some of these people in the world today that this was what they face how would they do?  My Aunt V is tough, brave and courageous, beyond words.  I see the photos, the smile and sparkle in her eye.  I see her girls and grandkids all of them brave.  But most of all living.  There is no greater gift to give than yourself 100% and I think that is what her family is doing.  Unselfish and unquestioned devotion and love.

So to my Aunt V a toast, a hug and a smile.

Most do not know the strength and will it has taken you to fight the way you have.

To the rest of us, maybe that problem or argument or what ever wrong was done is not the worst thing in the world.  I know 2 girls that are supporting their mother through a battle, one that everyone knows has only one outcome.  I know a mother who through her strength has fought as hard as any one can, but also was humble enough to accept the help of her daughters.  I know a couple of families that would trade everything for 1 more day.  Those are the people that we should aspire to.  Those are the ones that we should want to be more like.

I was never great at interpreting poetry but when I think of my Aunt I think of this poem.  Maybe it means something different than what I think it does.  But to me it symbolizes that determination and fight.

Do not go gentle into that good night